Mental Health Matters, Part 2: Update on My Current Mental Health

Welcome Back!

Hi, everyone! Welcome back to another installment in my series called Mental Health Matters, where I talk about my mental health and the journey to becoming a healthier, happier version of me. These posts discussing my mental health require a lot of vulnerability from me, so I appreciate all of the love and support I received from Part 1. I love my little corner of the internet very much. <3

Fun Update on Our Fur Babies

Just a little update on our cats, Kiki and Oliver - we have had them for about 10 days now at the time of writing this post, and we adore them more and more each day. Oliver is a bit of a menace because he likes to chew on cords a lot (he chewed up my iPad charger to the point where it didn't work anymore and I had to get a new one - thanks bud!) and he thinks that all the time is play time, because he discovered he can open up the cat toy bin on his own and chew on the feather toys he loves so much. He also gets the zoomies about everyday now and loves to annoy his sister - she actually hissed at him the other night which we hadn't seen either of them do yet! Typical sister brother dynamics. He LOVES to sit on my lap every morning and tries to eat my yogurt or drink my coffee. He is the sweetest, craziest boy cat ever and I can't ever stay mad at him for too long because he's so freaking cute. Oliver is also VERY vocal and will let you know what he's thinking almost always. Kiki was initially a bit shier than Oliver and she liked to sit on Mason's lap more than mine, but recently she started warming up to more and sitting on my lap just as often as her brother. Her little purrs sound like bird chirps and it is the most adorable thing ever. They also both sigh in their sleep quite often as if life is just sooooo hard for them. I always like to ask them, "What's bothering you so much, my little unemployed freeloaders?" All joking aside, I love them both so much and have already started referring them as my children, and ourselves as Mama and Daddy. We are quite taken with them!

Not So Fun Update - Recent Mental Health Struggles

Now on to today's post about an update on my mental health. There have been some difficult times in our family recently that has caused tremendous amounts of stress and anxiety, and my mental wellbeing has definitely taken a hit. The past month or so has felt like years compressed into just four weeks because so much has been going on. We are just now bouncing back and resetting from a very chaotic time in our lives - just in time for the holidays to start coming around! I've said a lot recently that these first five or so months into marriage has been nothing short of chaotic, and the saying that if you survive your first year of marriage, you'll be set for the rest of it has not been more true. We are just hoping that the remaining seven months are not as crazy as the first five have been! Add on taking care of two animals, trying to find full time or even part time work, maintaining the household, and somehow finding the time to rest and see friends, it's been a marathon without no finish line in sight.

As I stated earlier, recent events and the fact that I am STILL unemployed has caused my anxiety to skyrocket, as well as some depression like symptoms creeping in. I find it hard to get out of bed each morning because my motivation to do anything has been lacking. I constantly find myself worrying about having enough money to take care of ourselves and our cats, and for a while there it was even worse because Mason had not received a paycheck from his job yet (long story short, the fiscal year didn't start until October so he had not been paid for all of August and September - it was a large paycheck though). We were quite literally coasting on our savings, and thank goodness we had that. I keep telling myself that I will be exactly where I need to be when I need to be there, but the "What If" statements are just a constant noise in my head. It can be easy to have a good attitude when you expect to find your dream job quickly, but as time goes on I find my confidence dwindling. I'm also still struggling with moving forward with a career change because I don't even know if it's the right choice for me. Do I stick with what I know and what I'm good at, or do I do a complete pivot and dive into the unknown on the off chance that I find a passion of mine? Is it worth the risk or do I stay in my safety net? These are the questions I find myself asking daily, but I know myself and I know I cannot and will not give up. It's just simply not in my nature to do so.

Logic is the Enemy of Anxiety!

Something I think about a lot is when my therapist told me there are a lot of unknowns in our lives. And when you have an anxiety disorder, those unknowns can overwhelm you, and, if you let them, drown you without even realizing. I try to control a lot of uncontrollable things in my life, because I simply like knowing what's going to happen. I can think and talk about the future a lot, but the future is, well, the future. We can't control what might or might not happen, but we CAN control our thoughts, actions and behaviors NOW. We can live in the present by letting go of the need to control because there is no logic behind worrying about the future. I always say that logic is the enemy of anxiety, and I think it does me some good to remind you and me of that. How do I know 100% I'll NEVER find a job I'm excited about? I don't. I know, logically, I WILL find a job because I'm putting in the effort (My 100+ job applications are proof of that). I know, logically, the job market isn't great right now and I'm not the only person unemployed. I know, logically, that we've experienced this before and there will be a time where it gets better. I also believe in the power of having a good mindset and manifestation. If I say I won't get a certain job, I probably won't. If I say I will get this job, then I probably will. I'm putting my faith in that and in my abilities because I believe in myself, and you should believe in yourself too. You have to put in the work because good things happen to those who work hard. It's a fact and anxiety doesn't like those facts.

I came into writing this post thinking I wasn't going to have advice for you all about taking care of your mental health, but I guess I kind of did! I always find that moving your body somehow makes a huge difference because mental and physical health significantly affect one another. I never liked it when people dismissed mental health by saying, "You just need some fresh air and sunshine!" because that's not how anxiety or depression works, Karen. I'm just as sad and anxious outdoors as I am indoors. So, as a way to keep myself accountable, I'm going to take a walk after I finish writing because I know, LOGICALLY, it will make me feel better. You know, what Elle Woods in Legally Blonde said about exercise giving you endorphins and all that. Plus, the weather in Alabama is fantastic right now - Fall is my favorite season and I can actually be outside without sweating buckets! It's a huge win-win situation.

Thank You!

Thank you so much for reading this week's post. I know I am not alone in my struggles and I know I will end up on the path that I'm meant to be on, and so will y'all. It will all work out in the end.

All my love,

Grace <3

It's not a Not Quite Grown post without a meme!