Mental Health Matters, Part 1: My Mental Health and Therapy Journey

Welcome, Welcome!

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Not Quite Grown. I hope y'all enjoyed last week's post about my husband and his silly, quirky ways. I gave him a chance to read it before publishing and I think he really liked it! I am once again so so blessed to have such a wonderful, supportive partner that doesn't mind me poking fun at him every once in a while (it's almost more of an everyday occurrence, really. It's how I show my love)! I've started taking notes on all of the funny stuff he says and funny conversations we have, so Part 2 of the Mason Chronicles will be just as entertaining.

A Quick Life Update Before We Jump In

To be completely honest with you all, this week has been really long and emotionally taxing for my family and I. I'm not going into any details because privacy is important and this is an ongoing situation, but just know things aren't going great right now. We have a long, hard journey ahead of us and I would appreciate that y'all be thinking of us in the weeks ahead, and send some good vibes and prayer (if that's your thing) along our way. Just know if I don't post for a while, I'm not going to be gone for good! I just might need a break for a bit before writing again each week. Thank you for understanding!

Introduction to Mental Health Matters

Today, I'm starting a new series called Mental Health Matters, where I tell y'all all about my personal healing journey and why I believe everyone, especially if you're in your 20s, should go to therapy. I mean this in all sincerity, it's truly been a life saver for me. These posts are going to require a lot of vulnerability for me, but I believe my personal discomfort is worth the sacrifice on the off-chance that you read this and hopefully understand you are never, ever alone in your mental health struggles. Our generation is experiencing some pretty unique events that our grandparents and parents never had to go through and it takes a toll on you even if you don't want to admit it. The world seems to be going to crap right now, with the economy performing horribly, unemployment on the rise, and all of the other awful events occurring all over the place. The horrible news seems never - ending, and while I stay up to date on what's going on I definitely have to set aside social media for a while for the sake of my mental well-being. I encourage y'all to do the same, especially if you're like me and try to strike a balance between being informed on current events and feeling like it's never going to get better.

My Mental Health Journey

Time for a bit of backstory for y'all. So, during the fall of last year, I was, simply put, #struggling. I was stuck in a job that I was beginning to realize I loathed, I didn't move on the weekends and stayed inside in the dark all day, and because I'm a pretty emotional person, I ate. All. the. time. I liked to excuse it by saying, "Well, the holidays are coming up and that's the time of year everyone gains weight and eats/drinks all the time, so it's okay that I'm doing it too." I didn't think too hard or long about my eating habits or how depressed I actually was because denial was my safety net. If I didn't think about it, the problem simply didn't exist. When Christmas time rolled around, I wasn't as happy or as excited as I used to be during the holiday season and again I chalked it up to the stress from my job and planning a wedding. Nothing really seemed to spark joy or passion in me anymore. The only escape I had was reading, and even then the hobby I loved so much wasn't making me feel any better. I would cry myself to sleep most nights and hid it from Mason because I didn't want him to worry. But, being the amazing person he is that cares and loves me so deeply, he immediately knew something was off. I believe it was one day in October that I just had a complete meltdown in front of him when he asked me what was wrong, and not to lie to him about it because he knows me and I wasn't acting like my normal, goofy self. I was just completely upfront with him about what I was thinking and feeling and how I said, "It's never going to get better. I just feel down and hopeless all day, every day." That was when he said that I needed to see someone about this ASAP, because he had positive experiences with therapy and knew exactly how I was feeling. He said, "I want you to get better because we have a long, wonderful life ahead of us as a couple. I want you to be able to enjoy it as much as I'm going to enjoy it." That stuck with me. I wanted to get better, but I was scared and didn't know how. I called a local therapist's office the very next day and got put on a waitlist. Just a few weeks later, I was matched with a therapist and begun to discuss details for my first appointment. I was terrified. I thought, "This is a complete stranger, how am I going to tell her all of my deepest darkest secrets?? Will I be judged? What if it doesn't work out?" What if, what if, what if....and so on. I know now that I was spiraling, but I decided to be brave and go anyway. Plus....the office already charged me for the appointment, I at least didn't want my money wasted, LOL.

My Diagnosis and How It Was Life Changing

Because my therapist is awesome and did NOT judge or criticize me like I thought she was going to, I decided to go to the next few scheduled appointments because shockingly, just an hour session made me feel better than I had in a long time. It wasn't until several appointments in that I asked if she could diagnose me with any disorders because I told her I had been exhibiting symptoms of an anxiety disorder for several years. One quick assessment and five minutes later, I had my answer. She told me she was confident that I had GAD, aka Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and that I also exhibited symptoms of SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Boom. My world changed instantly. It was like looking through a foggy glass for so long and then the fog suddenly lifted just like that, and the sky was blue once more. The missing piece of the puzzle I had tried to search for for so long was found, and the puzzle was complete. I cried, heavily. I knew I wasn't insane for feeling this way, and I was tired of hating myself for so long and not being able to find a way out of the self-hatred. All of my patterns and behaviors were explained in the blink of a moment. It all made sense now, and to be validated, to be seen like that from someone I had no personal connection to, changed everything for me. I will never ever forget that moment for as long as I live. With this diagnosis, I was able to begin my growing, my healing, my process to improving my life.

Putting In the Work

I want to preface this by saying that I do not think your path to healing is linear. As I stated, my diagnosis was just the beginning of a long road ahead. I knew I needed to put in the work to improving and changing my mindset because I believe anything in life that's truly worth it, that brings you joy and peace and passion, doesn't come free. You actually have to put in effort to achieve your goals and that includes improving your mental health. I'm nearly 10 months into my therapy journey and there are still some days when it's hard to get out of bed. Not every day is all sunshine and rainbows. I'm still a flawed person that slips up, makes a mistake, says the wrong thing. The missing puzzle piece is put together but it's a little weathered, it's not shiny and new like it once was. The sky is blue but there are some clouds out in the distance. The difference is that now I don't spiral and have a breakdown when I mess up, I don't call myself stupid or a dumbass, I don't carry the weight and pain of self-loathing. The difference is now I find good reasons to get myself out of bed each morning. I try to take care of my physical health more, too. I exercise more, I eat better. Taking medicine can help with common disorder symptoms, but the therapy aspect mis just as important. One cannot happen without the other. Mental and physical health are equally important, and anyone that tries to tell you you can have one but not the other is mistaken. You must want to heal, to grow, to unlearn toxic behaviors, to learn healthy behaviors, and accept yourself as you are NOW before you begin your journey.

My Advice to You, From One 20-Something to Another

If you at any point related to what I was talking about in this post, if you saw yourself as you are now to how I was last fall, then know you are not crazy. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not alone, ever. Help is there for you. You can and will feel better, and you are not stuck feeling this way. I highly, HIGHLY recommend getting help from a mental health professional. There are so many great resources out there in Alabama and all across the U.S. You do not have to do this alone. My co-pays for therapy appointments are very inexpensive because I know that money was a big road block for me getting the help I needed. Find a therapist that accepts your insurance and being your research. Most therapists specialize in helping people with several topics, such as anxiety/depression, grief counseling, substance abuse, etc. Find one that you believe will help you the most with your current mental state, and sometimes you can read reviews from their patients under their profile. The important thing is that you must admit to yourself that you need help and accept that as fact. No one can help you get better until that first step of acceptance happens. And again, the road to healing is not a linear journey. The important thing to remember is that the bad days will still happen, but one day you'll find that the good days vastly outweigh the bad days. That's real progress, real healing, happening and it is truly magic.

Thank You For Reading!

Today's post was a super vulnerable one, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading. I hope we all can begin and continue to put in the work into making our lives better. You'll have a safe space and a confidant in me always. We are on this path together. See y'all here again for next week's post! Hopefully I'll have a job by then, LOL (I SERIOUSLY hope so - I'm remaining positive)! Thank you thank you thank you. I love y'all!

Love,

Grace <3

Coping with humor and memes is honestly the way to go!